Letting Go

    It's the times where my mom is calling me crying because her Fibromyalgia is hurting her so badly she doesn't know if she'll be able to work in the morning and I'm no longer there to go to work for her.
    It's the times when her car has broken down, in the rain, and I'm not there to pick her up.
    It's the times where my sweet 60 year old Aunt is telling me she needs me to come home, to wrap my arms around her and tell her it's going to be ok, the times where my same Aunt is in the hospital and the nurse comes and asks my mom who Arielle is because my Aunt hasn't stopped talking about this Arielle in her sleep.
    The times when my Uncle, who is so sick, is ready to die but tells my family he's waiting for me to come home before he can go.
    Hearing all of these things, among so much more, has made it so ridiculously hard to let my family go, to let God take my place as the rock in family. 

    There have been times where I am so angry with God that I am on this trip because it felt as if I had abandoned my family. All the times I thought I finally released my family to Him, I would never see Him moving in my family to let me know He's taking care of them. I would always get news of new hardships. And then one night after our nightly debrief, the girls decided some of us needed to be freed of things we were carrying. I bet you can guess what I was carrying. 

    The girls prayed over me and spoke some major truth and life over me and my family. That night was the night I finally gave my family 100% over to God. I clung on to Him with all I am and LET GO of everything else.

I cling on to the fact that I can't take care of my family from here but God can and He can do it so much better,

I cling on to the fact that God actually wants to take care of them and they were never my responsibility to begin with,

I cling on to the fact that I myself am worth bring taken care of and He has blessed me with a squad who is my family,

I cling on to the fact that He is a Father whose love goes so deep and wide I can't even begin to fathom it. 

    By clinging on to these truths and letting everything else go my relationship with my Father has catapulted to a whole new level. I didn't realize how much carrying the weight of my family had prevented me from walking freely in God's love. His love has completely washed over me in ways I never knew it could. I am so filled with His love and Spirit that it has overflowed into my family, through the video calls I am able to speak God's love and truth to them instead of my own and watching what God does with it has been incredible. He is moving in my family like crazy, and all I had to do was LET GO.